Making a List – A Big Decision
Anyone who reads here knows that I have been STRUGGLING for a couple of years now with what is next for me. Since the kids started growing up and moving out and then away, I have spiraled in so many ways. I was just not at all mentally prepared for this phase of life.
The only decision I was for sure on was that I would not leave the state until Princess graduated from college. That happens in May, 2025. 8 months away. And she will turn 21 the same week. A full adult. With a post grad offer. She is set.
But I have continued to flounder on what’s next for me. Stay or go?
The Writing on the Wall
But last month, I had an epiphany after an especially emotional week. I woke up on Saturday with the constant question of what’s next on my mind as I lay there in bed.
I came to the realization that this house is an anchor around my neck. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE this house. I love that it’s truly a dream come true. The first house I ever purchased on my own. The first stable place I was able to provide for my children since my separation from my ex-husband over 16 years ago. And it’s truly a dream place because I have completely overhauled the whole house.
But it’s also the place I bought and built with my ex-fiancé in mind. With the future we planned together. The future I thought I would have. I lay there Saturday and looked at my custom built closet that I designed and could only think about my ex here one holiday staining the whole thing. (That break up happened the week after Thanksgiving in 2022.)
And the feeling of loss for that future overwhelmed me AGAIN.
Then I recognized this house for what it has become…an anchor. And no longer in a stabilizing, safe way. But more so in a preventing the next chapter of my life from starting way. Keeping me from moving forward.
I don’t think I’m supposed to be here in this house, in this tiny town any longer. Rather, I know I’m not. The decision has been made.
Selling the House
Next spring, I will put the house on the market. And then I will follow what fate and God have for me. The goal is to sell the house just in time for Princess graduation. (The monies from the sale will be put away for a future house…someday.)
So I’ve started making a list of everything I will need to do to make the house ready to sell.
The support from my kids as I’ve let them know…has been overwhelmingly positive. None of them have real plans to come back to this tiny town. Some very much oppose me being here.
And my first stop post sale has already be determined. I will be house and pet sitting for Princess as she must be out of state for a month or so to start her new job.
I don’t know what the future holds. And I am 100% okay with that. I am confident this is the right next step for me. For now the plan will be to make Texas my homebase. My dad’s house. But I don’t know if that will be what actually happens.
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